Confession...

She is even cute when she cries!

If I were Catholic I would be spending a lot of time in the good old confession booth these days. I have been kind of avoiding visiting people and/or leaving the house lately because Maya has colic. I know that babies everywhere are fussy, but this is takes fussy to a whole new level.

My confession is that I have been really struggling with guilt and feeling embarrassed. She has cried so often at various times of the day over the last few weeks that I never know when she will be "safe" to take out and when it will turn into complete chaos! I have literally read almost every book I can get my hands on over the last 9 months and none of it seems to work for Maya...that is where the guilt plays in. After trying all of the various "methods" of parenting for weeks without anything seeming to work, it left me feeling like a complete failure. I have waited my entire life to be a mom, and then I (for lack of better descriptive word) SUCK at it. She wakes up every 5-20 minutes if I lay her down on her back, but I feel like I might be hauled in for child abuse if I lay her on her stomach. But after days of pushing from my grandma I laid her down on her stomach for a nap...she was out in 30 seconds and slept for 2 hours. So I either am a bad mom for letting her sleep on her stomach or I feel horrible because she never gets any good sleep on her back. Uggggg



The embarrassed part is that I always like to have it "together". Look good, feel good right? For two weeks any attempt at heading out of the house has turned into screaming and Maya being totally inconsolable. Last week she didn't want anybody to hold her except for me, leaving Ty feeling totally helpless. We have been truly blessed with so many wonderful friends who just want to meet Maya, and I am embarrassed because she cries when they hold her (unless she happens to be sleeping).



I am "outing" myself for a few reasons:



1) I took her back to the pediatrician because I knew she had thrush (even though they said she didn't) and sure enough she did, so now that she is on the mend, she is feeling much better. I also asked them about the laying on her back and her waking up all the time issue and they think she has baby heartburn or acid reflux which wakes her up so we are trying a few things to help with that and it seems to be working :)



2) I constantly am telling others to be open, that talking about it helps...and I am not following my own advice. Today I went to see my midwife, Megan...aka my hero, and it felt so good to talk to her about what has been going on. She is a mom and a wife and a real person too! Her advice was so helpful. She said, "Molly, none of the authors of any of the baby books have ever met Maya, they don't know what her specific needs are, you do. Stop feeling guilty about meeting the needs of your baby...that is why she is yours." I cried a little.



3) My poor little sister Natalie saw Maya and I in full colic mode the other day when we were attempting a visit to Target. It really upset her because she had no idea that we were struggling. I think that she felt a little hurt that I hadn't said anything and really sad for Maya and I. All of this reminding me that I tend to be very kept to myself and private when things aren't going so hot.



Thankfully the last two days and nights have gone much better. Maya is a happier baby, and Ty and I are learning to take things as they come. There are good days and bad days...or as my M.i.L says, "they are all good days, some are just better than others". So to all of our wonderful friends who have been trying to visit...if you don't mind the possibility of a scream here or there we would love to see you. Please don't give up on us.



This has to be the most hormonal blog on the planet! I swear I will update with some really fun posts soon...or my awful attempt at humor through blogging.

One Month

I can hardly believe that tomorrow Maya is officially one month old. It honestly makes me want to cry, the time has absolutely flown by. There are so many days that just blend in together and most days I have no idea what day it is and I definitely have no clue what the date is.

Maya is doing really well, eating a lot, going to the bathroom a lot, and sleeping better. Last night she slept for 5 1/2 hours in a row!! I woke up and for a second could remember if I was still pregnant and needed to pee or if I was a mom and needed to feed the baby. Then I realized my chest was throbbing and cleared that up.

Highlights so far...

I love that when Maya is cranky usually my voice and touch calms her down.

I love when she smiles in her sleep.

I love her little noises and the fact that when she eats she sounds like a little piglet!

I love when you hold her she locks eyes with you and studies your face.

Shopping & Babies

Yesterday my sister and I decided to head toward Portland to do a little shopping. I needed to return a few things and just felt like getting out of town. Natalie and Brad were up for it so they headed over around 11:00 and we were off. Two car seats, two giant diaper bags, one stroller, a baby Bjorn, and a sling...it looked like we were heading off for vacation.

The first stop was a great success! No crying, no diaper changes, just peaceful sleeping babes. We were feeling pretty confident, and even bragging a bit about what great future shoppers we had. Next on the agenda was Washington Square Mall.

Both babies would need to be fed soon so we headed in with the stroller for Maya and Brad in the sling, and did our best to combine our stuff into one bag. I remembered that Nordstrom has a great mother's lounge (fabulous!). About 20 minutes into lunch time for the babies Natalie realizes that brad had a major blowout, upon further investigation it was a 9 on a scale of 1 - 10. Through two layers of clothes and the sling...so naked brad is in the stroller, I am feeding Maya and Natalie is running out to the car for more clothes and a different baby carrier. She had been gone for 2 minutes when Maya projectile vomits all over me, all over herself, and all over the wonderful Nordstrom lounge chair...and Brad starts crying.

So here I am two crying babies covered in vomit and laughing hysterically, because what else can you do in this situation? Natalie returned and we spent the next 20 minutes attempting to make ourselves and our children presentable. I smelled horrible. The options were buy a new outfit and continue shopping or drive 45 minutes back home...I opted for the new outfit. So now with B in the stroller and little M in the baby Bjorn we sped over to Forever 21 (can you imagine seeing two moms with babies shopping at a store that is basically for teen age girls?). $16 later I had a new outfit and headed to the restroom. I rip the tags off and pull on the not so smelly new clothes only to realize that there was a hole in the new dress...that I had pulled the tags off of. Fabulous!

On our way home, Miss Maya decides about 10 minutes into the drive that she is starving (30 minutes earlier than normal) and begins to scream uncontrollably. Starbucks here we come. A 1/2 hour later back on the road....20 minutes later....more screaming from the back seat...pull over Molly to backseat and Natalie to the driver seat. 20 minutes later...home finally!

Lessons learned:

1. Take a lot of stuff with you everywhere

2. Take extra clothes for myself

3. Add Febreze to the diaper bag

4. Inspect clothing before ripping off tags

5. I think I need a bigger car!

The little angels before the big trip!

Pictures from the last week

Ty bought Maya a hat that fits
Brad showing his sporty side
Heading to the farmers market w/ Grandma Chris
Hanging with Dad
The funniest picture ever! Grama Karen found the shades.

(I bought this outfit in case we had a boy)

True Perspective

Many times over the last year, specifically the last few weeks I have been reminded of the harder times people face and that I need to keep things in perspective. There are so many joyful things about being a new mom and also some trying times too. Last night, precious Maya, tested our wits, patience, and ability to operate without sleep. In the depths, of her screaming I kept thinking of my friend Natalie who lost her mom last Monday to a 5+ year battle with cancer. Monday I was able to attend her memorial service and it was amazing. I know amazing might be an odd word to describe this event, but it was truly beautiful and filled with joy. Although difficult for me to think of my great friend suffering what I can only imagine as the deepest kind of pain, I was really lifted up by all of the amazing things people had to say about her mother. The one line that will stick with me forever was this (the priest telling the crowd about running into Jeanne before he went to meet the Pope, he asked her if he could take a prayer for her health with him) "she told me to put her at the bottom of his list, that we should pray for all of the people in the world living without first, and for peace in the middle eastern countries..." The story continued, but what a statement. She had been truly suffering for over 5 years and over the past 6 months suffering daily, and still had the perspective to put herself last. (Of course I am completely a mess & crying now!) After the memorial service the family hosted a get together under a beautiful big tent with appetizers, beer and wine, and good music. People talked and told stories for hours. I could not imagine a better way to celebrate such a beautiful lady.

My other perspective story hits even closer to home. This weekend my auntie and two cousins from Bellingham came to see us. We lived with them for about a year, and absolutely LOVE any time we get to spend with them. Unfortunately we don't see them very often. My uncle is working in Hawaii for the month so it was just the girls on this visit. My cousins have an extremely rare genetic condition that delays their growth mentally and physically. It was so great getting to share Maya with all of them and my amazing aunt always reminds me to cherish every healthy moment and love all of the smallest of victories in our children. Good stuff.

Sorry for the overly emotional post but I am feeling very teary today and needed to get it out. Love blog therapy. Hope all is well with everyone.

M

A week in review...

Whoa...I haven't really ever experienced being home all day and having so little time to get anything done. I am sure all of those moms out there are secretly laughing! I have barely had time to shower let along blog, email or return calls but hopefully this week Maya and I will turn the corner. In all honesty things are going really well, we are just in the eating most all of the time phase which really takes up a lot of the day. So I first would like to apologize for not returning calls and emails, but promise that it will improve over the next few weeks. Second, I wanted to give everyone a quick update. Here is one of my favorite picture of Maya and cousin Brad.

Where to start? Last Saturday Tory & Dave were married which was fabulous. Here are a few pictures. I of course took my camera but it didn't make it out of the diaper bag (typical!) But thankfully the bride sent out a few pics that I can share. Tory was easily one of the most elegantly beautiful brides ever. The whole evening was perfect...as expected Tory cried a lot, but she one of those lucky people who still look pretty while crying. My friend Chris & I decided that the best part of the reception was the enormous chocolate fountain! It really doesn't matter how old I am, inside I still love all things Willy Wonka.

Last week Ty's mom came to visit from Wednesday night and left this morning. It was great having her here although I felt a little guilty because she spent most of her time working in the yard, cooking, and doing our laundry. She got some great cuddle time in with Maya.

My Mom, Sister, and Aunt Susan threw a meet the baby shower for Maya & I. It was wonderful, they invited family and a few close family friends so that it wasn't too overwhelming for Maya (okay maybe her extremely paranoid mom!) We sat in my parent's front yard and talked for hours...mainly laughing at Joann, my bf Jenni's mom. It definitely reminded me of the great parts of coming from a small town, and some of the other parts like the mud covered trucks that look like over sized toys driving by yelling stuff out the windows. Classy!

Last night we headed out to take Chris (Ty's mom) to dinner at our favorite hole in the wall BBQ place in Dundee (Huckabee's BBQ). It was a nice way to end a fairly crazy week. Today we are relaxing, big time...I decided at 2 pm that I should change out of my PJ's so I upgraded to workout clothes...it is a step up right?

Oh...My dad's birthday was on the 6th. He turned the big 50 and celebrated by heading to the Ducks game with all of the guys in the family. Ty could go because he had to work, but he was there in spirit.

Random Photos

Watching her first Oregon game

(thank goodness for TiVo!)

Sophia meeting Maya for the first time

There is nothing better than cuddling/sleeping with Maya!

A rare shot of Maya with her eyes open

Ty's last day at home with the girls!

Here are a few random photos from the last few days. I will be much more diligent in updating the blog this week. I have tons to write about! Weddings, out of town friends, and all things Maya...which is really a lot of sleeping right now.